5.18.2010

THIS JUST IN: Living in NJ may cause heart attacks.


I’m not a doctor or anything, I’m just really, really smart.  I kid- I’m not smart either. Did you read my attempt to connect returning shoes to MURDERING KITTENS?  ‘Nuf said.

Although I’m talking about NJ, I prefer to make sweeping, inappropriate and dramatic generalizations about topics.  So it seems fitting to define “NJ” as “the-entire-mother-effin-north-east”. 

NJ people talk fast, drive aggressively, and are some of the most high-strung people I know.  NJ is like a heart attack waiting to happen.  Am I biased because they are also 99% of the people I know? Nahhhhhh.

These hyper-strained tendencies of NJ folks are most glaring when you travel to “friendly” States - a.k.a. anywhere but the-entire-mother-effin-north-east.  For instance, when I went to Denver everyone sounded like Ned Flanders to me.  Every time I met a new person all I heard in my head was, “Hi-diddily-ho, Jaimereenos”. Uh, did some hippy just call me a ho???

Makes me wonder what I sounded like to them? Stabby and aggressive most likely – which is actually pretty awesome.  Although that disproves where I’m going with this post, so disregard how bad ass I am for a second.

My question is why are we in such a rush? I think it has something to do with how hectic we make our lives.  I captain killer flag football teams, start wine clubs, squeeze in martial arts workouts, on top of building a house and planning a wedding.  I’m also constantly trying to make time with friends, get errands done, and work a full time job. 

Most importantly, I try to keep my puppy alive and be a non-absentee fiancé.  Did I just make up a word? Its okay, I totally fail at that last one some days anyhow. Which stresses me out!

No wonder I drink 57 cups of coffee a day. No wonder I always feel like I’m late to my next stop.  No wonder why I’m so freaking anxious all the time. This can’t be healthy – even if the anxiety burns enough calories to put about 4 fat camps out of business.

When I read back through the list of things I do, I can’t help but notice “down time” is not on there.  Maybe the right idea is to kick a couple items off my to-do list and schedule some me time.  Clear my head and re-learn the art of doing nothing.


Maybe with all of this extra time I can take a defensive driving course or learn how to relax with a hobby like bonsai gardening…

AND THEN START A CLUB FOR IT!



3 comments:

  1. Come on back to Denver and get stabbety stab stabbed for callin me a hippie there Jaimeroonie!!! Cannnnnt wait!

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  2. Beyond the dickhead driver's and routine heart stopping commuting nightmares, adding to the heart attack risk would be the endless barrage of awesome northeast food (if you had a slice of pizza in Denver you know exactly what i am talking about).

    But let's not forget that NJ is the greasy diner capitol of the world which is awesome but you get some real stand outs like this one: http://www.clintonstationdiner.com/ "Home of the 50 lbs Burger"

    I mean c'mon... and when i say that i mean c'mon with me to that diner and let's put the owners to shame.

    On top of knowing you for years, i read your blog about food and i know what kind of secret fat kid lurks just below your svelte girl surface. Let's put a hurting on them and put a hurting on ourselves in the process ;^)

    -Victor

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  3. Oh and sorry but Post Script: Don't get into bonzais, you've met my dad. It's just a downward spiral from there to bigfoot obsessions, koi fish collecting, wearing nothing but underwear even at the supermarket and an interest in cock fighting. I don't want that for you, Jaime. I don't think anyone one would...

    -Victor

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