My Ten Things

How many times did you want to say something to someone, but didn’t?  Were you scared to hurt the person? Push them away? Pull them in too close?  Maybe it was just that you couldn’t find the right way to put it?  Today I’m listing ten things I wish I could say to ten people because it’s high time I start opening my mouth….that’s what she said.

1. You are my very best friend.  I want nothing more in life for you then to be happy and independent.  You have the strength for both.

2. You were the first of a small group of my friends I consider a “forever friend”.  I’m sorry for pushing you away in college and thankful everyday that you learned to see a little of my side and forgive me for my flaws.  One of my favorite things about us is that we don’t need to talk often to know the other is still there if ever we need it.  I know I’m lucky to have you and your support in everything I do.

3. I’ve told you more than I’ve told anyone else in this world, yet I still don’t feel like I’ve said enough.  

4.  I’m worried about you.  I want to look you in the eye and tell you to slow down and think about your choices.  I haven’t said it yet because I can’t find the words that will make you listen, but I know I will soon. 

5. I forgave you when I was 11- before I even understood your choice- because I loved you. Your actions forever changed me.  They made me too protective of those I love. 

6. I hope someday to have exactly what you have.  You show me everyday that love is real and solid and give me hope for my future.  

7. You drive me up a wall, but only because I let you.  

8. I’m terrified every day that I’ll lose you the same way I lost another.

9. I resent the fact that you are a better person than me.  I struggle to understand why you love me some days, but I’m thankful you do - because you make me a better person too.

10. Thank you for loving me as your own when you didn’t have to, when I wouldn’t let you.

Jaime Mac