Men accused of wrestling python outside McDonald's

Oh how many things could be wrong with one little headline? 

FOUR. I counted.

1. Wrestling python: I always thought wrestling involved arms and legs.  A python can't pin you down for the count of five.  He has no way to win this match....unless it's until death.  Then my money is on the python.

2. Accused: What more proof do you need than 50 horrified obese onlookers?

3. Men: As in there is more than one idiot doing this.

4. Outside McDonald's: Um hai, there are delicious cheeseburgers and fries in here or a giant python outside. That's when you know you have to check your priorities.   

Here's the actual article, which adds even more humor to the story because they actually stole the python before walking up to McDonald's and tag teaming it. That sounds wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.  Which is why I'll leave it as-is. Because it makes me laugh and this is my blog. So I do what I want. When I want. Cuz I want.

XOXO,

Jaime

Discrimination on a young adult.

Last week I ran into Barnes and Noble to buy a few books I needed.  It was definitely not my proudest moment when I got up to the register and a *sweet* old man smiled and asked “what lucky kid are these for?”

As I glanced down at the 3 Harry Potters and just released Twilight novella I had in my hands, I couldn't help but want to stab this man.  

Why did I want to stab this man I just met? Because his job is to know books.  

And anyone who knows anything about books knows these are classified under the “young adult” genre.  The thought that this MAN could so easily apply a stereotype of the books reader age group is an injustice to shoppers of B&N. 

A stabbing would allow ME – the common consumer – to take a stand on discrimination. It would be my little way of making the world a better place.   

It would also make me feel better for being called out on my cheesy purchases in front of a long ass line. :)

UPDATE: I actually went on B&N’s website.  Twilight is listed as teen reading and Harry Potter under the Childrens section.  I can only assume this is a conspiracy against me for taking a stand against the man.

 

Part genius, part bad ass, and just a dash of ego.

I’m special today. Why? I came up with an email idea that proved very successful - successful enough to be included in a blog from an industry expert.  Um hello…that makes me part genius.  You may be wondering what the other part of me is…bad ass.  Genius and bad ass it’s a killer combo.  I might also have a smidge of overzealous ego, but that’s a story for another posting. 

Today is about my big idea.  It proves that a “big” idea doesn’t have to be big at all. Knowing how attached we are all to our smart phones, I got to thinking about mobile strategy.  Do people really want deals to their phone? The answer I came up with was maybe. And that was enough reason to build a test.

I had my email vendor take a campaign we were already pulling together and design a smart phone optimized version of it.  We sent this version to anyone who had opened one of our emails on a phone in the last year.   The results were pretty astounding.  A 20% lift in open rates.  It was the SAME email,  just better rendering for this type of user.

Although I was not mentioned, nor was I given a tiara or [even an] award for my ideas, I am still pretty proud to see them in writing.  So…here ya go!

Blog Posting:

http://www.e-mailprecisely.com/2010/06/pushing-the-envelope-in-email-design.html#more

Creative sample: http://img.ed4.net/avis/2010/us/savers_37157_0421/3/postcard_mobile.html

Happy reading!

Why I Will Never Be a Stepford Wife.

I originally named this post "An Apology to My Future Husband".  But after reading back, I realize Nick is the root of most of these stories.  

This morning I woke up to Nick complaining that the socks I went out and LOVINGLY purchased for him were too big.  After a brief pause, he then had the nerve to say “Oh well, I’m sure you’ll shrink them when you do laundry”.

I tried to throw a remote at him except I was slightly delayed due to my sleepy state – he wasn’t even in the room when it happened.  And also except that it wasn’t a remote, but a water glass that shattered. Awesome.

I dragged myself out of bed to go get a broom.  When I got to the kitchen I started thinking about all the ways I fail at domestic life.

-          I can’t boil an egg.  Boiled 18 eggs and when I went to peel the shells off about 67% of the egg whites came with it. AND I FOLLOWED A RECIPE.

-          I shrink laundry at least once a week. Although apparently this is good for my sock purchases.

-          I can’t figure out where you buy vacuum bags.  Seriously.  I feel like shop-rite is conspiring against me. I have been looking for vacuum bags for at least 3 ½ weeks and it just dawned on me now [as I type this] to maybe try the manufacturer website.

-          I keep using the vacuum. My house smells like burning dog hair every time I run the vacuum. 

-          I bought Nick awkwardly shaped boxer briefs.  I’m just going not explain this one. Thanks.

-          Nick cut his foot on the glass I left on our bedroom floor while I wrote this list. 

I can't write anymore because I can't think over Nick's shouting.  
Until next time people! -Jaime Mac