Don't Argue With a Weird Person. You'll Never Win.

Nick just asked me why Tank is always running around the house with my underwear.  I told him it's all summed up in my blog post An Open Letter to Tank.  To which he responded, “I’m not reading that voodoo shit”.  Voodoo shit? Did I hear that correctly?  I here I thought I was the weird, dramatic one.  But even I don’t call anything pertaining to the web and social media voodoo.  He also refuses to get on Facebook or check out my twitter page.

So naturally I yelled, “You never listen to me when I talk….viamysocialmediachannels.”

This was followed by a I’m-concerned-for-your-mental-health kind of look and confirmation that I am still the weird one in this relationship.  

 Jaime-47; Nick-0.

Why I Will Never Be a Stepford Wife.

I originally named this post "An Apology to My Future Husband".  But after reading back, I realize Nick is the root of most of these stories.  

This morning I woke up to Nick complaining that the socks I went out and LOVINGLY purchased for him were too big.  After a brief pause, he then had the nerve to say “Oh well, I’m sure you’ll shrink them when you do laundry”.

I tried to throw a remote at him except I was slightly delayed due to my sleepy state – he wasn’t even in the room when it happened.  And also except that it wasn’t a remote, but a water glass that shattered. Awesome.

I dragged myself out of bed to go get a broom.  When I got to the kitchen I started thinking about all the ways I fail at domestic life.

-          I can’t boil an egg.  Boiled 18 eggs and when I went to peel the shells off about 67% of the egg whites came with it. AND I FOLLOWED A RECIPE.

-          I shrink laundry at least once a week. Although apparently this is good for my sock purchases.

-          I can’t figure out where you buy vacuum bags.  Seriously.  I feel like shop-rite is conspiring against me. I have been looking for vacuum bags for at least 3 ½ weeks and it just dawned on me now [as I type this] to maybe try the manufacturer website.

-          I keep using the vacuum. My house smells like burning dog hair every time I run the vacuum. 

-          I bought Nick awkwardly shaped boxer briefs.  I’m just going not explain this one. Thanks.

-          Nick cut his foot on the glass I left on our bedroom floor while I wrote this list. 

I can't write anymore because I can't think over Nick's shouting.  
Until next time people! -Jaime Mac