Senseless

Yesterday God took a healthy baby boy weeks before he was to be born.  So many words come to mind: surreal, devastating, and heartbreaking.  But the word that resounds with me when I’m at my angriest for my family’s loss is senseless.

God chose the senseless act to take a life before it could even begin.  Before we could say hello to him, before we could hear him laugh for the first time, before we could swaddle him, and spoil him - but not before we could love him. 

I sit here, miles away from a grieving family, and I can’t help but be amazed at how affected we all are for a little man we haven’t yet had the chance to meet.  Doesn’t that almost sound senseless?

Life is a miracle that unites us all.  And maybe death is too.

The only time death can truly be senseless is when nothing is learned or taken from it but grief.   Death is a lesson in strength and character.

It’s a lesson in love.

What Do You Mean the Next Stop Is Hell?

I've never claimed to be normal.  Well that one time I tried, but then I swear I could hear god lighting a match to set me on fire, so I quickly took it back.  I wonder though, are the things that amuse me really that weird, or am I just the only one admitting to it? 

Here is a list of things that make me laugh.  Feel free to add your own to it or comment on mine.  Hell will be more fun with company.

1. People falling. OK, this one makes most people laugh, but I didn't want to scare you away too quickly.
2. People in my office who look like Kenny Rogers and are not male.
3. Ugly babies.  This one is extra funny because the parents almost never know.  So they excitedly introduce me to their kid, but in my head all I hear, is "This is our new pride and joy....SLOTH."
4. Joirds (joined words).
5. Porn. Although this is a 50/50 cuz sometimes I'm just impressed.
6. The word salami and especially the plural of it.
7.  The Bloggess
8. Angelo the Cat. He's so terrifying and odd. And every grown man who as even encountered him won't walk into my house alone. 
9. Listening to fat middle aged men talk about how hot their female avatars are on their computer games. Oh, at work.
10. Owning up to the fact that I watch Glee now
11. Watching people from other States watch 2 jersey people converse.  They look scared from all of the hand gestures and loud talking.
12. THIS and the friends who tweet about it.
13. Creating lists that end on a random number.

At least “self absorbed” is still true?

Yeah…not only am I terrible at blogging in any consistent manner, but now my blog is also a web of deception.  I’m no longer Jaime Mac, I’m Jaime-FER [said like a drunk, retarded person might say Jennifer]. 

Thanks to my house being done and the wedding out of the way, I also am no longer over-scheduled. But please don’t think that’s gonna free up my time for more than 1 blog posting a quarter.

But if there’s one thing you can count on with me – it will always be self absorption.  I’m pretty much the neatest person I know.

This wasn’t that funny, so I put this funny picture. LAUGH MONKEY.

I look like Hugh Hefner. Neat.

Men accused of wrestling python outside McDonald's

Oh how many things could be wrong with one little headline? 

FOUR. I counted.

1. Wrestling python: I always thought wrestling involved arms and legs.  A python can't pin you down for the count of five.  He has no way to win this match....unless it's until death.  Then my money is on the python.

2. Accused: What more proof do you need than 50 horrified obese onlookers?

3. Men: As in there is more than one idiot doing this.

4. Outside McDonald's: Um hai, there are delicious cheeseburgers and fries in here or a giant python outside. That's when you know you have to check your priorities.   

Here's the actual article, which adds even more humor to the story because they actually stole the python before walking up to McDonald's and tag teaming it. That sounds wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.  Which is why I'll leave it as-is. Because it makes me laugh and this is my blog. So I do what I want. When I want. Cuz I want.

XOXO,

Jaime

The Crazy 13: A Pre-Aruba Tale

I leave for my bachlorette party in a few days.  You know, just *12* of my craziest closest friends taking me to Aruba for a long weekend to celebrate my pending nuptials. 

Side bar: I totally make a vow to jot down the funny things that are sure to occur while we are away and blog about them on my return 

Allow me to give you insight into the motley crue group I’m traveling with so that you can fully understand why I’m excited and terrified at the same time – excitified?

Angela – FILMS everything we do and then puts it on youtube. Probably *the* most dangerous one in the group.  She has single handedly removed any chance of any of us ever running for president some day with her incriminating footage. 

Bird – My partner in crime in the trouble causing department. I’m fairly certain you’ll be bailing us out of an Aruban (<-is that a word?) prison before the weekend is over

Larry – Oh yeah, Larry will be there too.  Probably for punching a cop in the face. Or sexually harassing hitting on him.

Natalie Ray – The fast and furious drunk of the group.  She will be drinking before most of us are awake!

Kristle – I actually think Kristle will be the only reason we make it ANYWHERE on time.  She’s clutch to have in such a big group.

Erwin – Will make sure the party does not end. I guarantee she will be the first to yell “Just one more drink before we leave!”

Diane – Our resident beer sports enthusiast and happy go lucky drunk

Harv – My work wife and also one of the funniest people in attendance.  She’s insane awesome simply for the reason that she goes along with all of my crazy schemes

Rach – The “quiet crazy” type.  I once watched her break out in fluent Spanish in a graveyard, just CUZ.  Seriously people.

Aimee – If my cat was a person, he would be Aimee. Prone to random acts of violence or break out dance parties. 

Nikki –The sweet heart of the group.  She usually isn’t responsible for starting the trouble, but she’s always down for being part of it

Rosie  – Always well meaning, but just a little *too* happy about weird ass shit.

And then of course there’s me.  If you’ve read this blog AT ALL you would know I’m the icing on this cake full of crazy.

All in all, I’m pretty effin lucky to have so many women in my life who would hop a plane to Aruba for me.  I’m a HUGE advocate for women needing women in their lives.  

Every one of these chicks has touched my life in an amazing way and helped shape who I am today.  So much of my confidence, happiness, and sense of humor are based on the times we’ve shared and the knowledge that they’ll always be in my corner when I need them.  

PS - As I was pushing my last post live Rachel and Harv sent me this email:

Subject line:  Rachel & I are working really hard...

Also, we’re really easily amused by the emoticon’s in MS Communicator.

 

NOW do you get it? 

XOXO - 

Jaime Mac

Caught (Unfortunately) on Tape

These are not recent occurrences in my life, but they do give a little insight into who I am.  And isn't that the point of a personal blog?  If I could give you one piece of "life advice" it would be: Don't get caught on tape. 

Youtube is like crabs. It's uncomfortable, ain't going anywhere, and anyone who knows about it WILL want to see it and laugh at you.

Whitest sock puppet rap in town.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IByTwemTiCE

First Wine Club Meeting - the night my vision for a club came true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUF126wr0JA

Jersey Shore Themed Wine Club - the night I realized I suck at clubs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8MjQXEYz9M

Keep it classy. 

XOXO,

Jaime Mac

I’m not that badass, Gmail.

Dear Gmail,

Gmail "gets" me.

I’m wondering why based on the content of my emails you feel that my biggest concerns today will be KNIFE THROWING?  You clearly read my emails and decided terrorizing friends at my bachlorette party could be made better with a high-quality throwing knife.  

It makes me wonder if my weekends always look this horrifying from the outside? 

I can't think about that now though - I gotta to go look up some quality throwing knives to get through airport security for our Aruba trip in two weeks!  None of that cheap shit for me, thanks. 

I'll let you know how it goes!

(no, I won't)

(I might, if it's good)

(If you know me at all, a Bail Bonds ad would come in handy next)